while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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