She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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