im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got inside last night via doggy door
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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