I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
