I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
