I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
