Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
