Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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