I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
