craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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