ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
