Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
