Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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