Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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