Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
