Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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