she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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