i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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