no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
