i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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