So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
