so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Your penis caused this!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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