I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
