She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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