So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
