Pappa wants mamma naked
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
