thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
