I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
