I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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