so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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