that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
