Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
