I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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