Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
