My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
