Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
