So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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