I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
