He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
