Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
