Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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