ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
