Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
