whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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