dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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