They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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