Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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