Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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