I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
