Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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