my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
